Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
