Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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