I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
