i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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