i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
