I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
