My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
