In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
