i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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