my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
