we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
