I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
