Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
