I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
