I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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