I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
