Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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