there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
