They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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