i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
