tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
