so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
