I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
