I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
