strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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