Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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