What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
