I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
