I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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