ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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