Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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