Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ttyl tear gas
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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