My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
