I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
