hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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