You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you would pick up someone in the library
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
