can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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