I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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