90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
