its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
