last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
