My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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