$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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