he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
