I want to stick my p in your. b.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
