My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
