someone threw a dead crab at me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
