The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
