stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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