Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
