Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
