Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
