Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
